What does 2 Samuel 13:21 mean?

David learns that his oldest son, Amnon, has raped his half-sister Tamar, also a daughter of David. Now, Amnon refuses to give Tamar legal justice by marrying her and ensuring she has a family (2 Samuel 13:14–17). David is furious, but he does nothing. He may have spoken words or even given some form of punishment, but nothing worth recording. Scripture doesn't explain why David takes no meaningful action. There are several possibilities:

• He feels punishing his son would make him a hypocrite, considering his own sin against Bathsheba (2 Samuel 11:2–4).
• He thinks, since Tamar's brother Absalom has taken her in, she has as good a life as she can expect, and there's no use adding more drama (2 Samuel 13:20).
• He knows that this is part of God's judgment on him for his sin against Bathsheba and Uriah (2 Samuel 12:10), and he is hesitant to mitigate the harm of any of God's curses against him (2 Samuel 5–12).
• He loves Amnon too much.

The last two seem most likely. A copy of the Septuagint found in the Dead Sea Scrolls adds to this verse, "But he would not punish his son Amnon, because he loved him, since he was his firstborn."

David's sense of justice seems to buckle under his love of close friends and family. Later, Absalom drives David out of Jerusalem, takes his throne, and sleeps with his concubines. But David's order to his generals is, "Deal gently for my sake with the young man Absalom" (2 Samuel 18:5). When Joab murdered Abner, David declared his innocence (2 Samuel 3:26–30) but will tell Solomon to execute Joab after David dies (1 Kings 2:5–6).

But David also has a difficult time discerning between someone sinning against him and God judging him. Shimei rains curses on David as David flees Absalom, but David refuses to react, just in case God wanted that to happen (2 Samuel 16:5–11). Again, David places responsibility for Shimei's judgment on Solomon (1 Kings 2:8–9).

Ironically, David's passivity toward Amnon prepares the way for Amnon's death. If David had forced Amnon to marry Tamar or even disowned and exiled him, Amnon might have lived. By doing nothing, David opens the door for Absalom's revenge (2 Samuel 13:28–29) as well as Absalom's disrespect against David that leads him to rebel. David's inaction allows for God's curses on him to go forward (2 Samuel 12:10–12).