What does 2 Samuel 13:13 mean?

Tamar is the daughter of David's wife Maacah, but she's as smart and bold as Abigail (1 Samuel 25:32 – 34). Like Abigail, she's trying to keep a man from making a fool of himself and doing her irreparable damage. But the man Tamar faces isn't her father David, on his way to kill an offensive fool (1 Samuel 25:10 - 11). It's her brother Amnon, who's trying to force himself on her sexually.

Amnon manipulated Tamar, under the guise of a fake illness, to come alone, close enough to his bed to grab her. She has begged him not to violate her in this depraved way (Leviticus 18:9).

Tamar attempts to get Amnon to think about the consequences of his actions. For her, that means a ruined life. The sad truth of this era was that a young woman who lost her virginity outside of marriage was typically considered unworthy of marriage. Aside from the loss of potential marriage and children, an unmarried woman would need to be supported by her family for the rest of her life, if they would have her at all.

Another point to consider is Amnon's own future. Instead of being respected as the likely crown prince of Israel, he will become known as an incestuous rapist. The word for "fools" here means men without honor and unworthy of respect. It's the description given to Eli's infamously wicked sons (1 Samuel 2:12) and the depraved mob that attacked a concubine in the era of Judges (Judges 19:22).

Finally, Tamar attempts to delay Amnon, with what might be a clever trick. She tells Amnon to ask their father David to give her to him in a legitimate marriage. She suggests that David will agree. This seems unlikely, but it may have been possible. As the firstborn son, Amnon may have been David's favorite. It was against the Mosaic law to marry a half-sibling (Leviticus 18:9–11; 20:17; Deut. 27:22). But Abraham and Sarah had the same father. For Tamar, the weight of the cultural shame of not being a virgin but being unmarriable would be worse than breaking the Law. In the moment, she may be hoping that this will deflect Amnon's lust so she can escape.

In honor-shame cultures, even today, women are often considered shameful if they have had contact with a man outside of their family. They're considered irredeemable if they have had sex, even with a husband their families don't approve of. At times, even the modern western church can apply overwrought concepts of shame to women and girls, even those who have themselves been abused. There's a lingering sense of dirtiness, dishonor, or immorality attached.

This is a lie. A girl or woman who has been sexually assaulted may no longer be a virgin physically or legally, and she may even lose the honor of her culture. But she has not lost the honor of her God. Her self is innocent and clean. Rahab (Joshua 6:17) was a prostitute. She had sex with many men. And she was David's great-great-grandmother and the ancestress of Jesus.